The initiation into Life

Leaving University is more of an ordeal than I had expected. I was convinced that I was more than ready to escape from the fairy land institution where your life trundles along to the steady beat of deadlines, dinners and discussions, but no. Without the safety net of structure I feel, well, lost. It's like waiting in the departure lounge of an airport- you know you're about to embark on an exciting and potentially frightening journey, it's just that the plane hasn't taken off yet and no-one's told you when it will.
There are so many things I want to do. I want to do everything if that's possible. Write, act, sing, volunteer for charities, give blood, set up a business..the list goes on. I am impatient and restless, unable to settle, yet knowing settling is the only option if I want to move forward. I remember the frequent times when I had two or more looming deadlines at University and I would waste endless hours worrying about them both simultaneously instead of channelling my focus onto one and beginning. Or I would start one task, but only be able to think about the other that was lying dormant, waiting impatiently to be tackled.
That's the trouble with the modern adult mind. It can't filter effectively. Children can spent an infinite amount of time absorbed in something, whereas I can't remember the last time I didn't know exactly what the time was, or when I didn't know what was coming next (until now that is). In 'Voyage in the Dark', Jean Rhys's heroine says that living a life which is meticulously planned, which lacks sponteneity, is like being half-dead. Living in the moment is something we could all learn to do better. It is considered naive or foolhardy to live solely in the present, but actually it's a gift. You'll get more lows or lower lows but you'll also get higher highs. Above all you won't miss out on you're life, you'll be living it.
This is my new mantra: "Revel in uncertainty. Don't fear it." And I absolutely plan to live by this principal for this year...if I don't have a nervous breakdown first, that is.